Whilst it is true that your solicitor can handle everything, you may want to look at alternatives before going down that route.  This article gives a summary of what you can expect when going to see a solicitor or mediator.

A solicitor’s role is to:-

• Give you individual advice and get the best possible deal for you.
• Fight your corner and liaise with the solicitor representing your ex-partner.
• They can deal with the mechanics of the divorce application and the associated matters of the children’s arrangements and property and finance.
• Prepare all necessary paperwork.

However, a mediator can do a large chunk of the above, often considerably more cheaply and can work alongside your solicitor. A mediator’s role is to:-

• Work co-operatively with both parties to get a fair and reasonable deal for everyone, focusing particularly on the needs of any children involved in the divorce or separation.
• Mediation is a series of meetings held between you and your ex-partner. The mediator is present to facilitate negotiation and agreement.
• The mediator’s role is to focus on the children’s issues and the property and finance aspects of the separation, leaving the actual mechanics of obtaining a divorce to your solicitor.
• Mediators work closely alongside solicitors to ensure you get a comprehensive package of advice.
• The mediator helps you and your ex-partner to negotiate and agree the arrangements between yourselves rather than by sending letters back and forth to your ex-partner’s solicitor.
• Mediation is considerably cheaper and quicker than asking your solicitor to handle all aspects of the divorce because the mediator helps you to do much of the work yourselves.
• Mediators always suggest that you take individual advice on the proposals for settlement before they are finalised to ensure that you get individual advice and are making well informed decisions.
• The mediator prepares the paperwork necessary to enable the solicitor to apply for a legally binding consent order where necessary. This can usually be done without either party having to actually go to court.

Headway Family Mediation Service can offer free mediation to clients who are eligible for Legal Aid and always clarifies exactly what the costs of mediation would be upfront for clients who do not qualify for legal aid. We have a number of highly trained, specialist mediators with a wealth of experience in handling both property and finance issues and children’s arrangements. We also offer facilities for your children to have a voice in the process if you think that would be appropriate. We operate out of a number of offices across Hertfordshire and Bedfordshire.  Please go to our website at www.headwayfamilymediation.co.uk to find out more or to request an appointment. Alternatively you can telephone our office on 01707 790017.

Joy Burden

The Government and Judiciary have been advocating the benefits of mediation for many years and have come up with a number of initiatives to encourage people to use the services of a mediator. You may have heard of “Court Referred Mediation” or “In Court Mediation” but may not understand the difference.

In Court Mediation

This term refers to the use of mediators within the court setting. There are a number of schemes across the UK where mediators have been invited into the court on the days when family cases are being heard to assist individuals to make arrangements for their children instead of having the court make those decisions for them.

If your local Family Proceedings Court offers such a service you should be informed that this is an option when you are notified of your court hearing date.  The judge will carefully review cases he/she considers may be suitable for In Court Mediation and will invite the parties to meet with a mediator. The parties will then spend up to two hours with a mediator within the court setting to discuss issues. If agreement can be reached the mediator can prepare a brief summary of the arrangements that have been agreed upon so that the Judge can decide whether a Court Order would be appropriate.

The mediator will usually offer further appointments if this would be helpful.  However, it may be that this one meeting is sufficient to resolve issues. In court mediation is quick and can provide an effective means of resolving conflict on the day of your court hearing without having to rely upon a judge to make decisions concerning your children.

The Family Court in Watford has recently introduced In Court mediation.  Headway Family Mediation Service is one of the services who has been asked to provide mediation services within the court setting.

Court Referred Mediation

Court referred mediation can be used to assist parties resolve issues surrounding the care of the children and resolution of property and finance issues as part of the divorce process.  Where an application has been made to the court as part of divorce proceedings to deal with property and finance or upon an application in respect of children, the Judge may decide that mediation would be helpful. In such cases he/she would request that the parties attend mediation before the date of their next court appearance. Whilst this is not mandatory, it is a clear message to the parties to encourage them to resolve issues between themselves, thus giving the parties ownership of their agreement so that they can take their futures in their own hands.

A court referred mediation application would proceed in much the same way as any other mediation referral and meetings would take place at the offices of the Mediation Service. The parties would initially meet with the mediator to  find out about mediation and then, if they wished to proceed, a number of appointments would follow at which issues can be discussed, options explored and hopefully resolution found. It would then be open to the parties to report back to the court on the agreement reached or to have a Consent Order prepared setting out the agreement, thus relieving the parties of the need to return to the court for a further hearing.

The court may provide details of local mediators or may leave this to the parties to find mediators in their local area. Headway Family Mediation Service, with offices in herts and Beds, is used to receiving such applications and we have trained and experienced mediators available to help resolve issues surrounding both property, finance and children’s issues.  Please refer to our website for more information or for an online application at http://headwayfamilymediation.co.uk/contact-enquire/request-an-appoinment/ or telephone our office on 01707 790017.

Joy Burden

Mediator,  Headway Family Mediation Service.

Despite the Supreme Court’s “landmark ruling” in the ‘Jones v. Kernott’ case, the law regarding cohabitee property and financial disputes remains highly complicated and technical and is fraught with difficulty for lawyers attempting to advise. Ensuing court cases can, as this case illustrates, be very long and complex, with unpredictable outcomes. The costs and emotional impact should never be underestimated.

As James Carroll, Co-Chair of the Law Society Family Law Committee said to Channel 4 News, “We’re not in a situation of being able to give them (clients) concrete advice – it’s still very much left up to individual judges. This causes confusion, stress, litigation and costs – and hence ultimately is damaging for families and children.”

It may be wise for couples who are considering living together to enter into a cohabitation contract with detail about what happens if they break up, or if someone dies. If, however, there has been no such contact and a cohabitee relationship comes to an end, the parties involved would be wise to consider mediation as the preferred way to deal with any disputes. Mediation can be a very much more helpful way of resolving matters concerning the separation of your finances and the parenting of any children that may be involved. It gives you the opportunity to work through all the issues involved and to consider various options before reaching any final decisions. It is a cost effective, sensible and a realistic alternative to court action and focuses on taking a constructive approach to resolving problems. As a result, mediation can help you to maintain a reasonable working relationship and good communication with your former partner which is particularly important if you need to continue working together for the sake of your children.

If you unfortunately find yourself in this situation, and would like to consider mediation as a constructive way forward, and live in or near Herts or Beds, please contact us to make an appointment, or alternatively complete our form to request an appointment. We have offices in Hatfield, Luton, Stevenage, Hemel Hempstead, Watford, Hoddesdon and St. Albans and a great team of experienced mediators to guide you through the process. If you have any questions about mediation you can use our on-line enquiry form, email us at office@headwayfamilymediation.co.uk or call us on 01707 790017. We are dedicated to helping clients through the difficult process of relationship break-up and help improve outcomes for all family members.

The key recommendations are:

• A new six month time limit in care cases so delay is significantly reduced

• Enabling people to make their own arrangements for their children when they separate, and only use courts when necessary

• Overhauling the family justice system so that agencies and professionals work together with greater coherence to improve the experience and outcomes for children and families

These recommendations are made following the acknowledgement that the current system of family justice is under a huge strain. Long delays are damaging the outcomes for children and families.

It is hoped that these proposals will help parents to keep their focus on their children as they separate with the help of information, education and mediation and that court action will only be necessary if all that fails. It is hoped that a simpler service for children will be created, aimed at helping the parents reach joint agreement, where possible, without going to court.

Mediation is clearly key to these proposals as it is recognised that this can help parents achieve faster and more child focused results. At Headway Family Mediation Service our experienced team of mediators are there to help you to make decisions about your children. If you would like to discuss any aspect of your separation and divorce please telephone us on 01707 790017 or send us a query via ‘Contact Us’.

1. Don’t pretend nothing is wrong. Be aware that children are very perceptive and will pick up on your distress and any tension within the household. Therefore, whilst you should always try to keep any arguments away from your children you should always try to be as honest with them as you can. Bear in mind though that children do not need to know all the details and you should each avoid criticising or laying the blame with the other parent.

2. Make sure the children realise that this is not their fault as many children blame themselves for their parents’ relationship breaking down. Keep reminding your children that you and your former partner love them and that they are not to blame for your relationship breakdown.

3. Keep communication channels open. Ask your children how they feel or if they have any particular concerns or worries. It is often the case that children will be acutely concerned about an aspect that you may not have even considered as a potential problem.

4. Ask for help if you need it. Remember that you are only human and that everyone going through a separation will need support. Family and friends will often be only too glad to help. If necessary ask your GP for additional support.

5. Do not bad mouth or criticise your former partner in front of the children. However much you may dislike him or her remember that s/he is your children’s parent and they will continue to have a parent/child relationship.

6. Establish a new co-parenting relationship. You will need to communicate with your child’s other parent about parenting issues. Whilst it is best to do this face to face or by telephone, if this is too difficult try to use a journal which passes between parents or text or email to ensure that important information is shared between you.

7. Listen to your children and let them know that their views are important but that they are not responsible for making the decisions about their future. That is your job as parents.

8. Establish a regular schedule of contact or shared parenting. Once you have an agreed schedule, try to stick to it as much as possible. Remember, however much you may want to write them out of your life you cannot write them out of your child’s life.

9. Children will take their cues from you. If they see that you are comfortable with the new co-parenting relationship they will adjust much more easily.

10. Keep the children out of any point scoring or tit for tat arguments. However much you may be at loggerheads with your former partner.

Headway Family Mediation Service aims to help you and your former partner to work through issues affecting you and your children. If you would like an appointment or further information please contact us either telephone us on 01707 790019 or email office@headwayfamilymediation.co.uk. or alternatively send us an enquiry via our Contact Us page

Why have these Meetings been introduced?

The aim is to ensure that parties have considered mediation as a possible means of resolving disputes as it is generally recognized that an adversarial court process is not always best suited to resolving family disputes. It is hoped that early information and advice about mediation will help to reduce the number of court applications as the parties progress to resolving issues with the help of their mediator.

The purpose of this meeting is for the mediator to explain what mediation is and how it works. The meeting can be attended either on your own or with your spouse or former partner. If there are issues of domestic violence it may be preferable to attend on your own so that an assessment can be made as to whether mediation would be appropriate in the circumstances.

When will a MIAM not be required?

There are a number of circumstances where attendance at a MIAM will not be required. These include where:-

• there has been domestic abuse,

• one of the parties to the dispute is bankrupt,

• the mediator considers a meeting is not appropriate,

• an urgent court application is needed ,or

• child protection issues have been raised.

What happens once you have attended a MIAM?

The parties are given the opportunity to consider whether they wish to proceed to mediation in which case a series of meetings will be held to address the issues in dispute. Both parties will attend these meeting. At the end of the process the mediator will prepare a document recording the agreement reached.

If the parties do not wish to proceed the mediator will issue form FM1 which, if you wish to proceed with legal hearings, will need to be presented to court, either by your solicitor or by yourself if self representing (litigant in person). The matter can then proceed through the court.

Why chose Headway Family Mediation Service

Headway has a team of dedicated and experience family mediators with a strong local reputation of providing a professional yet sympathetic approach to dispute resolution. Your Headway mediator will help you decide if mediation may assist you and if so will guide you through the process to reach a mutually acceptable settlement. You will be given the opportunity to consult your legal advisor before settlement is reached as your Headway mediator will provide an Option Documents (for financial matters only) for you to take advice upon before a final agreement is reached. Once settlement terms have been agreed Headway will provide comprehensive and detailed documentation setting out the exact terms of settlement reached. This document can then be used as the basis of a court order as part of the divorce process.

Headway has a number of offices across Hertfordshire and Bedfordshire.

For further information, to book a MIAM or to talk to a mediator, please contact

Joy Burden at Headway Family Mediation Service on 01707 790017

Alternatively you can send us an enquiry using the on-line enquiry form here or you can email us at office@headwayfamilymediation.co.uk or visit our website www.headwayfamilymediation.co.uk

Justice Minister Jonathan Djanogly said:

‘Nearly every time I ask someone if their stressful divorce battle through the courts was worth it, their answer is no. Mediation is a quicker, cheaper and more amicable alternative, particularly where children are concerned.

‘Mediation already helps thousands of legally-aided people across England and Wales every year, but I am concerned those funding their own court actions are missing out on the benefits it can bring. Now everyone will have the opportunity to see if it could be a better solution than going straight to court.

‘Currently many people repeatedly go to court to argue over matters they are better placed to sort out themselves….. This is expensive and emotionally draining for all concerned. Parents are best placed to resolve these types of issues and mediation can help them do this.

‘Our proposals aim to radically reform the system and encourage people to take advantage of the most appropriate sources of help, advice or routes to resolution – which will not always involve the expense of lawyers or courts”

“Now everyone will have the opportunity to see if it could be a better solution than going straight to court.”

For further information see http://www.justice.gov.uk/news/newsrelease230211.htm (opens new window).

Headway Family Mediation very much supports this decision as it will enable many more families to benefit from the advantages of mediation, rather than resorting to the more costly, lengthy and adversarial court route.

This decision will also raise the profile of family mediation and make more people aware of being able to use this option to resolve matters. Many people come to us having already spent large amounts of money, time and emotional stress trying to resolve matters through legal routes without having previously been aware of the option of mediation. As a client, who was going through his second divorce, once told us on completing mediation: “If only I’d know about mediation when I was going through my first divorce, things could have been so different. Things got so bad and took so long that time round that I ended up losing absolutely all contact with my children. It’s so good knowing that things are going to be different this time.”

Our mediation assessment meetings (‘Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings’) are easy and quick to set up and enable clients, with the mediator’s help, to decide whether mediation could be a helpful way forward. By attending this meeting, which you can do either separately or together, there is no commitment to proceed with mediation and indeed if you do go ahead with mediation it remains a voluntary process throughout; either party is able to discontinue at any stage should they so choose. Our mediation assessment meetings are free to both clients if either one is eligible for public funding (legal aid) or otherwise cost £66 per client if both attend together or £70 if attending individually and last 45 minutes for an individual meeting or 90 minutes for a joint meeting. Please see ‘Request an Appointment’ and complete the form or contact us to discuss.

Historically there has always been a presumption that children will live with their mother post separation and divorce. However there has been an increased use of Shared Residence Orders (a section 8 order) in recent years. “Shared care” means that both parents remain engaged in everyday child care activities, frequently with the child moving between their parents’ respective homes. The idea is that both parents feel empowered and actively involved in the care and upbringing of their child.

S11(4) of the Children Act 1989 enables a court to make a residence order in favour of two or more persons who do not themselves all live together and states that the order may specify the periods during which the child is to live in the different households concerned.

There has been considerable movement in the case law dealing with shared care over the last ten years. A number of issues arise:

• Courts have traditionally only ordered shared care where there has been a considerable degree of parental agreement. However, this has been challenged and it can no longer be deemed essential that a harmonious relationship exists between the parents when considering shared care. Indeed, it can be argued that the presence of that sort of harmonious relationship would suggest a shared residence order was not necessary.

• The views of the children are important (subject of course to age and understanding) and that children have a right to participate in private law proceedings by involvement of CAFCASS officers.

• Shared care does not necessarily involve a 50/50 split of the child’s time in each household. There is a common misunderstanding that shared means a 50/50 split of the child’s time between each parent’s home. This is not the case. Indeed the rule of thumb is anything up to a 30/70 split between the two homes. What is key is that both parents retain a strong, normative and positive role in their children’s lives.

In line with the non-interventionist approach of the Children Act which provides that child care arrangements should be based upon a partnership between parents without the need for a legal order, the majority of “shared care” arrangements are put in place via mediated settlements or informal arrangements agreed between the parents. A mediated settlement will be one where both parents agree upon their child care arrangements between themselves instead of handing over control of their affairs to a solicitor or the court. The role of the mediation service is to facilitate agreement between the parents helping them to form a new co-parenting relationship essentially redefining the rules of engagement between them. Mediation services can therefore help parents to develop strategies to manage the normal acrimony created by the divorce process and to work together to agree the details of their future parenting plans and arrangements.

If you live in or near Hertfordshire or Bedfordshire and think mediation may be helpful or would like to fine out more, please request an appointment or contact us , send us an on-line enquiry or request a call back. We are here to help whenever we can.

Access: is a term that is no longer used, see ‘contact’ .

Cafcass: is the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. If a parent makes an application to court regarding their children, the court usually asks a Cafcass Officer to write a report about the child’s needs.

Child Maintenance: is the money payable by the parent that children are not living with most of the time, to the parent who the children are living with, to help cover children’s living expenses.

Child Maintenance Options: is an organisation which provides help to parents who live apart, in particular to help you make decisions about child maintenance. They can estimate how much child maintenance you should pay and receive and can also give you help and information on other issues you may face when parenting apart. You can find out more about Child Maintenance Options online at: www.cmoptions.org (opens new window).

Child Support Agency: the Child Support Agency (CSA) is one of the options for setting up a child maintenance arrangement, in England, Wales and Scotland. The CSA uses a standard process to work out how much child maintenance should be paid and when the payments should be made. You can find out more about the CSA online at: www.csa.gov.uk (opens new window).

Contact: is when and where children see the parent who they are not living with most of the time. The term ‘access’ is no longer used. In family mediation the mediator will help two parents to talk together about the detailed practicalities of contact arrangements taking into account, for example, their individual working patterns and children’s various weekly activities. Discussion often covers both ‘direct contact’ (time with each parent) and ‘indirect contact’, such as phone calls and letters. If a court becomes involved in contact issues it may result in a ‘contact order’ being issued.

Co-parenting plan: at Headway Family Mediation our mediators are able to help parents put together a detailed co-parenting plan covering not only contact arrangements, but also a joint understanding on a whole range of parenting topics, including, for example, schooling, health, holidays, birthdays and Christmas. Children need to know that both parents are going to continue to be involved in their lives and a co-parenting plan helps parents to make the transition to parenting after separation and helps to give confidence and security to the children in a time of change. It is often appropriate for arrangements for children to change over time, perhaps as they get older, or as parents’ work or living patterns change. At Headway we are experienced at working both with parents who are in the process of separating or divorcing and those who may have done so several years previously.

Custody: is a term that is no longer used. See ‘Residence’.

Parental Responsibility: refers to the rights and duties that go with being a parent. All married parents automatically have parental responsibility. Unmarried mothers have P.R. automatically. If the parents are not married but the child was born after 1st December 2002 and the parents have registered the Father properly on the birth certificate, then the Father will automatically have PR. Fathers who do not have P.R. can apply to the court to gain parental responsibility.

Residence: is the term used by the courts to describe with whom a child or children will have their main home. The old word for residence is ‘custody’. If parents go to court to resolve arrangements for their children, a court may issue a ‘residence order’ or a ‘shared residence order’. A ‘shared residence order’ means that the child has two homes, one with each parent. It does not mean that the child must live 50:50 with each parent, only that they will spend time with each parent. Detailed contact arrangements are not set out in the shared residency orders and the court leaves it up to the parents to agree the contact arrangements between themselves. Many separated/ divorced parents don’t find this easy and a mediator at Headway would be able to help parents look in detail at their contact and co-parenting arrangements.

“An expert panel will examine reform of the current family justice system in England and Wales so that it better supports children and parents under a wide-ranging review announced by the Ministry of Justice today.

The review will look at the best methods for avoiding confrontational court hearings, and encouraging the use of mediation to deliver fairer and less acrimonious settlements that place the needs and interests of children at the heart of the system.

The announcement today is part of the cross-government Families and Relationships Green Paper, published by the Department for Children, Schools and Families, which looks at how to reduce conflict when relationships break down as part of wider government support for the family. The paper also contains proposals which would make it compulsory for privately-funded clients of the family justice system to consider using mediation before having child access disputes are heard in court – bringing it into line with the current system covering families represented by legal aid.

Justice Secretary Jack Straw said:

‘We know that for many families the current family justice system is proving far too complicated, and its adversarial nature can lead to bitter, lengthy court hearings, prolonging what is already a stressful and emotionally draining experience.

‘While the vast majority of separating parents settle their disputes privately, for those who do need to access to the system we need to find a better, fairer way to forge lasting agreements for the care of children. Research shows that children adjust to family breakdown better when a couple manages to maintain working relations following a separation – the review is about making sure the justice system helps parents to achieve this.’

The government will also continue its work on ensuring people involved in family proceedings know about the availability and benefits of mediation, through providing online information on mediation and exploring ways to reach families with the information they need before their case comes to court. It will also work with the Family Mediation Council to build on existing accreditation schemes for mediators.

Additionally we are asking for peoples’ views on whether making family mediation assessment sessions compulsory for privately-funded court users, bringing them into a similar regime as legally aided court users, will increase awareness and take up of family mediation.

A Review Panel, made up of independent and government representatives, will be appointed in the coming weeks, and will consider wider perspectives from a range of people involved in or experiencing the family justice system and will include possible calls for evidence, focus groups and formal consultation as part of its work.

Ed Balls, Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families said:

‘Children are often caught up in the middle when parents decide to separate and this can have a devastating impact on their lives and their future relationships. Whilst family relationships are very private matters, there is a role for government to help families find ways to resolve conflict faster in order to limit the negative impact on children’s wellbeing.

‘The majority of parents have their children’s best interests at heart and are committed to making the separation process as easy as possible for their family. However, this is a difficult time and that many separating parents struggle to establish contact agreements, to communicate effectively with one another and to continue to parent cooperatively. That is why we are giving parents better information about mediation earlier on in the separation process so that we can help families, especially children, through this difficult time.’ .”